Dads being Dads

It's been a while since I last posted something on my blog but I've been away on Mission at Sheffield Hallam with Sheffield Hallam CU and haven't worked out an easy way to blog from my phone.

Today I was really struck by how much I love seeing Dads being Dads.  I had just got off the Metro from my 1-2-1 with Mike, a student in Sunderland, and was walking home and in front of me was a Dad walking with his young daughter and talking with her and helping her to properly 'find her feet' along the pedestrian walkway.  When they got to the road he taught her to stop and to look and listen out for cars before crossing the road.  It was such a simple thing and something I imagine every parent will do but I was really encouraged to see a Dad being a good Dad with his young daughter.  I was reminded also of a similar time when I was walking home and a Dad had arrived home from work and his children ran out with such excitement to welcome him home.  That experience put a massive smile on my face and warmed my heart.

I don't know why I was particularly struck by these simple yet so moving experiences.  Today I realise it was down to a God moment.  In our 1-2-1 we have been studying the book of Colossians and today we were looking at Chapter 3 v 18 - 4 v 1.  The passage is titled in the ESV as "Rules for Christian Households" and talks much of husbands, wives, children, slaves and masters.  In my little faith I wondered how our study would go as Mike is neither married, nor living with parents, nor a slave or a master.  So it was extremely encouraging to find out that he has been reading a book about God's ideal for men called "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge.  We were able to chat about the role of men in our society, on how even at the very beginning of time men had responsibility and yet refused to use it (i.e. at the fall Adam was with Eve when she took and ate of the fruit - he could have stopped her had he taken his responsibility seriously).  We also talked about how the roles of men and women have shifted over the centuries into modern living.  Admittedly some of our ideas may have been flawed but we were able to trace much of the problems with families today down to men not taking up their responsibility.

Let me try to explain some of our thought processes.

We often think that "Wives, submit to your husbands" sounds really harsh and very 1950's however when we looked at what the Bible was really saying we realised that if God created man to be at the head of the family and responsible for the family then wives will naturally submit to their husbands in a loving way.  However, it was also very clear that the statement to husbands ("Husbands, love your wives") was vital to this.  For example if a husband loves his wife, if he spends time with her, nourishes her, supports her and leads her then she will instinctively submit to him.  If however the man doesn't take responsibility in the family and doesn't love his wife as he should then she will have to take more responsibility over the family and therefore decrease how much she actually submits to him.  When we saw this we began understanding why much of our culture thinks this way about the roles of men and women (i.e. that men and women are equal in everything).  Thinking back to the beginnings of the feminist movement did it all start because men were not taking their responsibility seriously?  Where they spending much of their time at work and not being sensitive to the needs of their family?  Where men seeing the need to be the "bread winner" over the need to love and cherish?  Both Mike and I are not well versed in history but it gave us real food for thought.  We both remembered the verse in Genesis 3:16 where God declared to Eve "your desire shall be for [or against] your husband, and he shall rule over you".  God showed that husbands will rule over their wives however women will desire to take that responsibility.  I interpret this to mean that women desire this because husbands will not bear all the responsibility that they should bear - they will try to delegate some of the responsibility to their wives until ultimately their wives will be 'earning the bread' and they will be sitting at home playing the Playstation or the Xbox.  As a little disclaimer I am not saying that women should never work and should stay at home in the style of the 1950's housewife I am simply trying to put forward the idea that men need to step up and take hold of the responsibility that they have been given so that they can love their wives all the more.

Okay so this post is all about Dads being Dads and all I've really ranted about is the fact that husbands need to man up and take responsibility.  Well I believe there is a clear connection.  If fathers lead their family well, by taking the responsibility for the family, then his children will see that strong Biblical role model and will seek to model it in their lives.  I also believe that his children need to have their father around.  So fathers should provide for their family but that does not just mean by bringing home the money for food, clothes and shelter.  It also means that he should provide for them spiritually, emotionally and physically.  It means that he should physically be around his children and he wife, spending time with them, loving them and caring for them, it means that he should be leading his family by teaching them (like the father I met on my way home) and it also means that he should share the Gospel with them.  

On Sunday at church we had two baby dedications and our Pastor shared some bits around the Bible about how parents (and particularly fathers) should love and care for their children.  We looked at a passage in Deuteronomy 6:4-7 which says "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.  You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul and with all your mind.  And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."  As men who are or may become fathers we should desire to teach our children the truths of the Gospel so that they may love the Lord with all their hearts, souls and minds.

If we love our children and lead the family well our children will desire to obey their parents - much in the same way as when we understand the Gospel and see Jesus as our loving Saviour and Lord we desire to obey Him out of an over pouring of joy in Him.

However, the passage in Colossians warns fathers not to provoke their children.  What does this mean?  Well I believe it is speaking to fathers who are harsh and critical of their children instead of encouraging them and equipping them for life.  I was blessed to have a father who encouraged me immensely and therefore I respect him and look up to him massively.  He has had an enormous impact on who I am today.  However, I know for some the opposite is true because their dad never told them he loved them, or was constantly critical or perhaps even mistreated them.  Paul is writing to encourage fathers to lead their family well.  Again if they lead well and encourage and equip their children then their children are more likely to obey them because their father is a role model to them.

So I guess that is why I love to see Dads being Dads.  I know that I want to be a loving husband to my wife and when God blesses us with children I know I want to be a father that leads by example.  A father of repentance and not one of religion (or rules) but one of grace, just like my father and my loving Heavenly Father.